I certainly can understand some "beefing" when resources and time are stretched thin and tasks interfere with the things we like to do most - like develop discipleship relationship with the kids. However, ministry to families is a task that should almost be indistinguishable from youth ministry. While a youth pastor or Sunday school teacher can have a pivotal relationship with a teen, the parent/child relationship is by far the most influential relationship in most kids' lives. If things aren't right at home, you'll have a hard time trying to disciple a kid in your youth group.

Frequently the biggest obstacle for teens to make a decision to follow Christ is the distorted view of God they have as a result of poor role modeling from parents. Everyone wonders why most kids abandon the church once they graduate from high school. I believe that many are not fleeing the church, but are fleeing their parents.

Many kids have been abandoned by a parent, usually their dad, through divorce. These kids find it hard to accept a God who, in their minds, has been portrayed by their dads. Sometimes you'll only be able to reach a kid by fostering some real parenting changes at home.

I have come to realize that most youth leaders are young; most are closer in age to the kids in the youth group than to their parents. No wonder youth workers feel intimidated when the task is to teach and encourage parents to disciple their kids.

But this is the task, the surveys* say, that needs to be addressed as a top priority to stem the flow of youth away from the church. My best suggestion for a youth worker who is unable to overcome their feelings in this area is to delegate this important task to trusted older adults in the church. It's a big job and will take the cooperation of many others in the church. This is where youth ministry meets family ministry.

I have served in three churches as a volunteer Sunday school teacher/youth director over the past ten years. Each group of kids had their own unique needs. In one of these churches most of the kids were in single parent homes. Teaching parenting skills to that remaining parent was helpful, but we realized that an additional strategy needed to be employed. We needed to equip the congregation to be extended families. Teaching church members to consider themselves older brothers and sisters in Christ to the teens could be drawn from the words of Jesus in Mark 3:31-35. If kids receive nurture and support from their church family, they will be more likely to return to church for these same reasons as an adult.

Care for the youth impacted the entire congregation of the church. This was the point at which I realized that in some cases ministering to families was actually the most effective form of youth ministry.